2021.10.16 03:46 Pickleballer420 To anyone who doesn’t understand how we got here with Q anon this is a really sobering very long description of one woman struggle with it with her mother
Mom's descent into Q and conspiracy theories
Made an account to post this. I'm just... exhausted. This is long, I'm sorry. This sub and a lot of Q-critical spaces have, quite literally, saved my life. I've started therapy thanks to everyone sharing their stories. You guys are incredible and I'm so thankful communities like this exist.
I hope telling my story about my mom could help people understand how their Q's fall into this ideology, having watched my own mom turn into this over about 15 years.
My mom's a genuinely smart person. She knows a ton about home repairs, landscaping, accounting, management, many good, practical skills many people wish they had. I think her politics stemmed from fear of being alone, and fear of me getting hurt. As a kid, yeah I get it, but as an adult, that can be destructive. She's similar to how she described her own parents: Good providers, but emotionally unavailable. Disturbingly low empathy, which caused tons of fights for things as little as me crying. She could start an argument over a slice of bread, but the hallmark of every single one is that everything was my fault. I try my best to be thankful for the times she'd show understanding, but it was always so limited.
I remember every car ride suddenly included rants about Obama being a Communist, the Antichrist, all the once-niche stuff that now is a core principle of Q ideology, whether they use the term "Q" or not. Politics and conspiracy theories were her go-to in regular conversations, but it was pretty tame, no religious leaning. Early on, she was a straight-ticket, cable news Republican who didn't get involved in political activism, just complained. A lot. Ironically, she married a Puerto Rican/Cuban immigrant whose family fled Fidel Castro.
It didn't help that I liked aliens, ghosts, and UFO shows as a kid, which are now under the Big Tent of Q. She'd demonize classes like Sociology, or teaching philosophical topics like Utopianism (for what it's worth, I didn't even study Critical Theory until Junior year of COLLEGE in a communication major). I was encouraged to go against my own teachers out of her self-interest, or she'd yell that public school would "indoctrinate" me in gov/econ classes.
Me being a really naïve and literally uneducated minor, my only thought was "I don't want to get yelled at again," so I'd entertain her conversations as I understood them. In 2012 I thought, "well it's typical Fox stuff, who cares." But the disagreements turned into fundamental arguments. Attacks on beliefs and more clamping down on how I thought. Unhinged lectures, and anything less than full agreement and building on the subject was unacceptable. I was called weak and sensitive for crying, even though it helps me feel better. It started a bad spell of juvenile depression and suicidal ideation. It was her way or NO way under Obama. Then Trump showed up.
If you've seen videos of kids in middle/high school presenting bizarrely adult rants to school boards or teachers, there's a very good chance one or both of their parents are doing something like this at home. Probably every day. Speaking kindly ABOUT their kid doesn't mean they speak kindly TO their kid.
When I say her life was/is engulfed by politics, I seriously mean that. 24/7 drip feed of cable news convincing people the country was on the brink of disaster, and Trump would save them all. It made her abandon any remaining shreds of empathy. Personal attacks never stopped, and I became angry. I begged her to stop reading Twitter, stop reading Gab, stop listening to genuinely crazy people, but her response was "Where else will I get my news?" I'm terminally online and I'm the one telling her to stop. Suggestions didn't work. My dad, the most well-traveled person I know, business-minded, and our only source of household income, filed for divorce. He was already barely around due to my mom's constant arguing.
I was made the replacement spouse, doing everything with her around. She'd discourage me from getting a job. She knew I was active online, which started the "doing her own research" cycle. She constantly read Q boards and discussion forums. We'd talk about it when I'd finally leave my room. The yelling never stopped. Endless rants about my dad. Manic Trump worship. Finding Q drops and tying them to random ZeroHedge articles. She became increasingly afraid of the outside world. My views deviated, I couldn't defend hers anymore, but I was still ignorant to what she was doing. I got my first big tech job and it only made her more upset. The company wasn't "American" enough so she'd frequently suggest I quit. I found out the hard way that workplace sexual harassment wasn't a SJW meme, and I had nobody to reach out to for help. She still doesn't know about it.
My mental health was at its absolute worst probably around 2019. I felt useless at my job, we stopped getting regular work, I wasn't motivated by anything anymore, and depression kicked my butt. I spent about a year deleting digital accounts, closing bank cards, and ultimately planning suicide. At the same time, sympathizing with her because I was completely alone too. I stopped talking to friends. She abandoned home improvement projects for Q. The place was a mess. I didn't want to live anymore because I felt I couldn't have anyone around me unless she liked them, and she really doesn't seem to like anyone. I quit my job, tried some business projects with a friend, but I felt like I ruined that too.
I got a little better, oddly, from burnout. I realized my mom's politics massively limited my social life. For her, she embraced the limitation and started digging the rabbit hole on her own. Armchair economists' blogs and occasional David Icke presentations turned into Qpub, Simon Parkes, and endless conspiracy theories. She took my Behold, A Pale Horse book, which I'd bought to critique, and she read it like the Bible.
She lost touch with reality, more of the same for the next year. Trump also lost by then. She started openly supporting war with China to keep Trump in office, the single most horrifying thing I've ever heard from someone whose father was part of the Allies' D-Day invasion. She woke me up to watch J6, and I was more disgusted. I think I said "You know [MAGA] is screwed forever, right?" But that wasn't enough, she wanted the Inauguration disrupted. "Military is the only way, Pence would never betray Trump," all that. I was so happy to wake up late that day and find out everything was fine. She yelled for hours, typical "all is lost" doomsaying.
She's over 65, but refuses the COVID vaccine. I scheduled an appointment immediately when all adults were eligible. I hid my card, didn't tell her for 3 months. She'd stopped me in the hallway one night purely to tell me "everyone vaccinated will die in 2 years." When she brought on another unhinged rant, I told her. She had no excuses. She still believes the whole "shedding spike protein" garbage, and used that against me when she asked why I'm very distant.
Fox turned into Newsmax, then OAN, then back to Newsmax. Conservative Treehouse got replaced by Bannon's War Room, then came back as a supplement. Jack Posobiec, Wendy Rogers' Twitter pages, are on her laptop all day. Calling me "mean" for dismissing Sidney Powell and Lin Wood's claims. Telling me I "know nothing" and "lack life experience" because I said Mike Lindell & crew are grifting. Loudly declaring that I will die if I don't take Ivermectin, and she'll have to "save" me because the vaccine will make me more sick. Anger because I won't compromise my own beliefs anymore, and because I stand up for myself. I tried walking out of conversations. I tried just yelling louder. I tried letting her talk. I tried placating. I requested political conversations stop entirely, which to her credit, they did, but her new line is, "It isn't politics, it's your LIFE!" I want to talk about ANYTHING other than politics. Therapy taught me all of this is textbook narcissistic abuse by her.
We're working on separating our lives (she's the one moving, oddly), but she still has bad moments. Coming to me in my room with new exhausting complaints over things that don't exist, are non-issues, or terribly overblown clickbait. Lashing out about my significant other, who happens to live overseas for work ("Americans need to come home" was her line). Her only word is "liar" the second I tell someone her words are hurtful. Threats to "write [me] out of the will," sell the house out from under me, evict me, offer money, then take it away if I push back.
Her actual reality is that life is terrifying. She's very alone. She's afraid of dying. She's afraid of catching COVID. She's afraid to fly. Driving long distances is scary. Me going 5 miles away from the house makes her worry. It took me 10 years to realize she wanted me to fear the world as much as she did (and still does). And for a long time, I absolutely was afraid. I missed out on so many early travel opportunities with my dad (Japan, South Korea, India, Amsterdam, you name it), because she was worried we'd both die in a plane crash. I was afraid to talk to other kids my age because my mom always said they might hurt me, even if they're nice.
If there's anything I've learned watching my mom fall into this, it's that authoritarianism can stem from fear. Fear of the unknown, general fear of change, an inability to process new and upsetting scenarios. Someone can have the entire world handed to them and more, have all the money in the world, and still appeal to this kind of thinking. The solution for her, and I think many other Q's, is to look to a regime that holds an iron grip, so they don't have to do any work. If you can't change minds, install someone who will just punish the other side for you, while you go full SS on your own family. Despite claiming to be free-thinkers, people like her will comply if the right person comes along. However, I find it disturbing that MAGA/Q-adjacent followers can debase themselves so quickly purely over the COVID vaccine. It's sad to me that my own mother, who raised 10-year-old me to fight back when someone's a bully, became the schoolyard bully herself. At this point, we don't talk much. I wear wireless earbuds around the house because she BLASTS insane Health Ranger Report podcasts for hours. I love my mom. I care about her and her mental health. It's not that I dislike her being around, or her as a person, but when it comes to politics, she acts a lot like Trump himself.
I am doing better, and the living situation will get better, but it hurts to watch someone come to me for misplaced support for conspiracy theories I can't bring myself to entertain anymore. It's TOO unhinged. It's not "I saw a weird light in the sky, how cool!" anymore, it's "mRNA is gene therapy" and "Lady Gaga's too busy spirit cooking." The only thing that got me out of a fear mindset was being completely alone, and coming out the other side. I don't doubt most Q's will have to feel that too before they get any better grip on reality.
This is a destructive ideology, if it's even worth calling it that. I vividly remember when a string of fake insider posts, and eventually Ron/Q, popped up on 4chan, and it was already upsetting to see it steer discourse entirely away from policy when it hit the mainstream. It isn't even grounded in real-world politics anymore, it's just a cudgel terrified abusers can use to feel superior to everyone and everything around them, because they're "awake" like their favorite Telegram posters. The generation that fearmongered about the internet now relies on it for their core identity.
If you made it this far, thank you for reading. This sub has helped me find help in a lot of ways, and this was what's been going on with me. I figure she won't ever find this forum, but mom, if you do, please, for once, believe me when I talk about my feelings.
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2021.10.16 03:46 ThingSea6921 Last two months of my teenage(19M) years. Any recommendations?
2021.10.16 03:46 Pop_A_Well Punish or Reward PCs
I have been debating back and forth on this for a while. Three sessions ago, we ended with my party arriving in Vallaki, starting the Feast of St. Andral, and spending the night in the Blue Water Inn. I am following CoS: Reloaded and using the orphanage homebrew questline and so, the next morning, they headed to the orphanage and spent a session uncovering the mystery and fighting the demon (which, by the way, everyone agreed has been their favorite session so far. Highly recommend this add-on). After helping the orphanage and figuring out the bones are with Henrik, they met with the Baron. Through some good planning, RP, and rolls, they convinced the Baron to send a group of guards with them to Henrik's house. Last session, through great party synergy, the pay-off from the session prior (guards being present to help), and some of my worst rolling ever, they managed to kill the vampire spawn in Henrik's house ON THE SAME IN-GAME DAY AS THE ORPHANAGE COMBAT.
My struggle now is whether to reward the party for handling two extremely difficult encounters in a single day (which they honestly deserve for their excellent planning) or to continue with CoS: Reloaded's plan of Ludmilla having cast a Sending Glyph on the bones and her waiting for them in the Church of St. Andral when they come to drop off the bones (effectively punishing them since they are in no way able to handle combat with her). My ideas are:
They drop off the bones fine at the church and then most likely head to the Blue Water Inn to rest for the night. Word has spread around the town of these newcomers and their feats - saving the town twice in one day. The Inn is packed to the brim and when they arrive Rictavio does a toast in their honor. Their meals, drinks, and board are covered for the night, and everyone wants to meet the heroes. This also accelerates other plots - Danika approaches them about the wine shipment, Vasili approaches them to try to create a friendship, Rictavio opens up more to his true identity (since they must be the ones he's waiting for) - and the next day the PCs receive an invitation to dine with Wachter and the dinner invitation from Strahd.
The party returns to the church during a service nearing its end. They most likely wait until the end of the service. When they begin to walk towards Father Lucian, Ludmilla rises off the front pew and places a knife at his throat, threatening to kill him unless they hand over the bones. The party, near-death and out of spells, most likely will either hand over the bones or try something clever, which may save the Father for the time, but initiates a combat they cannot win. Either way, eventually Ludmilla gets the bones, which feels like I am punishing the party by dismissing all their planning and work. Word Lucian's death and/or the loss of the bones spreads through town and accelerates plots - Rictavio approaches them about burning Lucian's body so it does not turn into a vampire spawn, the festival is moved up a few days because the town desperately needs hope, panic starts to set into the town which may eventually culminate in a coupe/mob/etc.
--------A bit of both--------
This follows the "punish" in the beginning. The party returns to the church during a service nearing its end. They most likely wait until the end of the service. When they begin to walk towards Father Lucian, Ludmilla rises off the front pew and places a knife at his throat, threatening to kill him unless they hand over the bones. A boom of thunder shakes the building and they hear the clop of hooves outside. Ludmilla's eyes grow wide with panic, and she drops the knife as she sees the silhouette of a tall figure in the door. Strahd slowly walks towards her down the aisle before grabbing her by the neck and raising her into the air. He almost spits out "What gave you the right?". He is (at least acting) enraged that she acted on her own to retrieve the bones and banishes her to the catacombs of Ravenloft. He turns to the party with a forced smile and says that this was not how he wanted to meet them and apologizes. He then invites them to dinner at the castle. I thought I could also add in some other things that would help me advance other plots. Maybe "Vasili" (actually just a spawn that Strahd has disguised) was at the church service and stays with the party. This way they see Vasili and Strahd in the same place and don't associate the two. There are also some PC backstory things I can throw in.
I'd be interested in opinions on the ideas I have, or others!
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2021.10.16 03:46 Zeroman_79 Drum Cam: Aerouant-Watermelon Sugar-10/9/21
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2021.10.16 03:46 MatchewR00 What would be the legal ramifications of leaving my current company, taking the entire division of workers, and then creating a new company with the workers?
I work for a company (company 1) as a worker. So in Company 1, there are many divisions that do different things for Company 1. Say this specific division that I am a part of leaves Company 1 completely and creates a brand new company (company 2) that specializes in the work my specific division does.
Would Company 1 be able to sue Company 2? Claim damages from Company 2? Are there any legal ramifications for this act?
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2021.10.16 03:46 Queasy-Goat-5076 hello! how are they looking? bcn critical XXL and Northern lights. a lot denser then they look and really stinky.
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2021.10.16 03:46 foolskil MATLAB interface with FOXPRO
Does MATLAB have the ability to read .DBC (database container) folders or have anyway to talkt o FOXPRO? I am trying to automate this process for my company to go into the database and access a variable inside. Thank you.
submitted by foolskil to FoxPro [link] [comments]
2021.10.16 03:46 Zehr0h0 O momento que eu mais temia chegou, e eu não tinha nem ideia do quão ruim seria
Outubro chegou, e isso era algo que desde o ano passado so de pensar que esse momento chegaria me dava pânico. Eis aí o motivo/contexto
Nos últimos 6(quase 7) anos eu já vi/fiz muitas coisas das quais eu me arrependo (e que mesmo sabendo de todo o contexto por trás de tudo) acabam me fazendo realmente questionar o meu valor como pessoa, afinal de contas ações são ações independente do contexto. Eu lembro que durante esse tempo a única coisa que eu queria era ter recebido ajuda de alguém, que alguém simplesmente tivesse dito que ia ficar tudo bem mas, isso nunca aconteceu. Os anos passaram e as coisas foram piorando (pessoas próximas acabaram morrendo (sempre tentativas de suicídio, todas elas sem nenhum aviso prévio) e chegou num ponto onde isso aconteceu 6 vezes no intervalo de um ano). Em meio a tudo isso eu conheci uma pessoa no ano passado, e nós nos tornamos amigos bem próximos até. Então ela me contou sobre algo: ela tava na mesma situação que eu, mas ainda assim com suas diferenças (pra quem gosta de Sci-fi, era basicamente como se eu tivesse falado comigo mesmo em um universo paralelo). E essa foi uma das poucas vezes que eu decidi fazer alguma coisa (eu sempre tive a visão que eu era "apenas um observandor", por isso eu nunca me envolvi muito com os problemas dos outros). E assim foi... eu tentei fazer o melhor que eu podia pra evitar que àquilo acabasse mal, aquela situação por si só já me dava pânico. Mas eu segui tentando. Até que o pior aconteceu, em outubro do ano passado ela tirou a própria vida. Ali ficou 100% claro pra mim que eu tinha falhado miseravelmente como amigo, que o melhor que eu pudesse fazer não era o bastante e que como pessoa eu não era o bastante. Isso piorou todos os problemas que eu já tinha (insônia, problemas pra comer, pensamentos suicidas e a lista segue). E pra piorar, eu mantive tudo isso escondido, eu não queria que ninguém soubesse e isso me causava um desgaste absurdo, até que eu parei pra pensar. E tinha ficado claro que a cada dia que passava meu psicológico tava ficando pior. Então eu finalmente consegui pedir ajuda de alguém ( e graças a essa pessoa eu tô vivo hoje), eventualmente a gente conseguiu resolver a situação (ela até me arranjou um psicólogo, porque minha mãe não me levou a sério (até hoje não leva) e eu achei que tinha acabado, mas, não acabou. Estamos no mesmo ponto depois de um ano, e eu nunca estive pior, esse mês as aulas voltam ao normal, eu nunca tive tantos pensamentos suicidas assim, e tudo que podia dar errado deu errado... minha namorada tentou cometer suicídio também, e eu só não aguento mais, pela primeira vez na minha vida eu simplesmente desisto. Um de nós dois merecia ter morrido mas com certeza não era ela
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2021.10.16 03:46 CrazyCatLover6 Solid Air Prison,why not
You can turn air into solid air and create a 6x6 inch prison out of it around one object,you have to hold your breath while doing this,if you breathe while doing it,your lungs fucking explode.
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2021.10.16 03:46 ionized_fallout My sleepy rescue chonkers; Professor Jigglebottoms!
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2021.10.16 03:46 Nervous_Ad1539 How risky is it to smoke one herbal cigarette a day if you don't inhale?
2021.10.16 03:46 AffiliateLeakz AMC STOCK | THINGS ARE GETTING SERIOUS
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2021.10.16 03:46 jamesjohnson892 Thoughts?
2021.10.16 03:46 Jorbam I only upvote things I like when I'm completely drunk... like now...
2021.10.16 03:46 jasonthe5th そくだ
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2021.10.16 03:46 FreePrinciple270 BIS UNOT LOK GL NY I
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2021.10.16 03:46 o_Fvdinq Well, that was a lot of robot obliteration on a tiny map for this thing…wonder what I’ll do with it.
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2021.10.16 03:46 brianthesavage17 Liv
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2021.10.16 03:46 LogFabulous567 Need help identifying. Also should the brown leaves be removed?
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2021.10.16 03:46 leechimg Test
2021.10.16 03:46 macdfridge Should I halt Ru and switch to topical fin before transplant?
Need to gain back some ground I started treatment too late, over reliance on toppik, have decided to get a hair transplant in January. I presume it is a bad idea to inform surgeon that I’m on RU as it is not an approved substance so I will come off and start again when I’m healed up … should I switch over to topical fin? Will the doctors put me on oral fin no matter what?
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2021.10.16 03:46 rastarr How to promote MS Store apps
I've got a few new Microsoft Store apps that focus on Asian dating
- Thailand - https://www.microsoft.com/store/apps/9N3GN347DVG3
- The Philippines - https://www.microsoft.com/store/apps/9NZRNS1G1XVM
How are people generally getting promotion on MS Store apps these days? Any clues?
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2021.10.16 03:46 DeArk14 Add me 6707 9351 9443
2021.10.16 03:46 Zepanda66 Deadline: "There are encouraging signs that an IATSE strike could be avoided with a last-minute deal made before the midnight on Sunday deadline"
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2021.10.16 03:46 Teaching_Intelligent Mystery bag giveaway! I’m giving away 30 mystery bags! It ends in 1 hour! To enter comment your favorite item in the new update!
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